Giuseppe's 12/24/09

Giuseppe's Italian Restaurant
SE 181st and Stark St. Gresham, Oregon
December 24th 2009

General Information: Giuseppe's is an Italian Restaurant in the Rockwood neighborhood of Portland's largest suburb.

The Story: Out last minute Christmas shopping, I wanted to try this place for the second time. The first time I thought it was pretty good, worth a return visit.

-The Pizza-

1 Small Pepperoni

Crust-

The crust is really quite good. It's a hand tossed style of moderate thickness. Has a good flavor, isn't grease soaked and soggy. Not much of the crust is exposed, so I felt like I was actually eating pizza, not a breadstick. I always appreciate that.

Sauce-

The sauce was HELL of tasty, but there wasn't enough. I know how tasty it was because I got some on the side and just ate the fuck out of my pizza wilst dipping it into the BOWL of sauce like when you lube up your cock for anal. Nice and thick, not chunky and flavorful as fuck. The exact opposite of stank pussy. Having sauce on the side was nice though. They gave me a ton. Far more than I'd ever need. I had to make the concession on my usual extra sauce because my dad isn't a sauce fan. It made a difference.

Toppings-

There was a decent amount of pepperoni on the pizza. Not too much, but enough to where every bite had a slice or two of pepperoni on it. I'd say it was about equal to what Papa Murphy's has, maybe a tad more. Certainly not enough to make the fat bitch from Wilson Phillips squirt her panties. That's good.

Cheese-

So far so good, but the cheese... oh the cheese. It's hard to discuss the cheese. It certainly didn't taste like high quality mozzarella. We also opted for the extra cheese. What we didn't know was that the amount of cheese put on already makes the fat bitch from Wilson Phillips cream herself. With extra cheese it was entirely too much. Add to that the seeming lack of quality and it really brought down the quality of the pie.

Overall taste-

lacking sauce, too much cheese (which is my fault entirely), the taste was average. Not shitty by any stretch, but not amazing. I imagine that switching around the extra cheese for extra sauce instead would make this a fine pizza worth driving out of your way for.

Value-

The small pizza was fucking huge. Like Ron Jeremy's cock. It was the size of a large or better at most pizza joints. It cost around $18.00, which before I saw the size of the bitch I wasn't sure it was going to be much of a value, but it turned out to be alright. If only I'd done with the sauce what I did with the cheese.

-Beer-

On tap-

Typical NW restaurant fare. Some micros, some domestics. All I care about was what was bottled.

Bottled-

I fucking LOVE Blue Moon, and they had Blue Moon and I drank the FUCK out of Blue Moon and it was good.

-Atmosphere-

Location-

Rockwood is an awful place. Not to mention it isn't in the best place in Rockwood either. It sucks ass really. It's close enough to light rail, but a hell of a long trip for most. Bus lines are ass out there and it's not right near a freeway. Is it worth the trip? I'd say if you live east of 82nd in Portland it's worth it for a try, just DON'T ORDER EXTRA CHEESE!

Exterior Atmosphere-

Looks like it used to be a buffet. Not great.

Interior Atmosphere-

Imagine if Denny's and Shari's had an orgy with a shitty cultureless chinese restaurant, the Denny's got pregnant and the child got raped by a Hometown Buffet. The semen stuck in Denny's childs asshole is kind of similar to this place. In other words, it was probably converted from a Denny's.

Service-

Good. Despite it being Christmas Eve, the girl who served us was forthright, friendly and quick. Really some of the best pizza joint service around. Then again, it really is an Italian Restaurant that serves pizza.

-Review Notes-

Overall a good experience. Good beer, pizza was good, but I fucked it up. Some of the best sauce around. Terrible location and a building that looks like the floor after a bukakke.

-OVERALL RATING-

5/10. Worth a try again, on my terms with the sauce.


Ray