Rocco's 1/5/10

Rocco's
Across Burnside from the entry to Powell's City of Books.
January 5th 2009

General Information: Rocco's is a Portland staple for a quick slice when you visit Powell's. Includes a bar separated from the main pizza joint.

The Story: The third stop on Frank and my slice hopping adventure. We drove from where we parked on 23rd. Found parking easy, but had to pay since it was 5:50. Meters stop at 7:00. Burnside no-turns are gayer than Richard Simmon's ass-lice.

-The Pizza-

1 Slice Of Pepperoni (each)

Crust-

Just boring as softcore porn. Had that flower dryness. It was thick, but not good thick. Like a chick with a big fucking belly instead of big fucking titties. (Ray) VERY floury. Extremely bland. A hard outer shell and a dry inner crust.

Sauce-

The most average of average sauces. There was PLENTY of it, which was great. I could actually taste it, which was a nice change from the last two places we visited. It was a bit on the pasty side, and didn't have a unique flavor. Just think Ragu or the sauce from any college cafeteria. (Ray) Lots of sauce, which was GREAT to have around...but the quality wasn't there. Lots of tomato paste, not as much seasoning.

Toppings-

The pepperoni was of decent quality and had a good flavor. There was a decent amount on but not enough to be fully satisfied. Rule of thumb: If there is more cheese showing that toppings on any pizza except a cheese pizza, there aren't enough toppings. (Ray) Very average Peps. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing terrible. It really matched the overall pizza.

Cheese-

Plenty of bland cheese. It was nice that there was a decent amount of cheese, but the quality of the cheese was just average. It became a single solid hardened mass from sitting in the heater. It was so average I have absolutely nothing else to say. (Ray) This had the room-temp cheese texture, but this was because of the age of the slice, not the shit quality, like that of Escape from a Jesus' Anus.

Overall taste-

Fucking AVERAGE. Like the chicks you work with every day, would bang if there was absolutely NOTHING else to do, but wouldn't pursue, she'd have to make the first move. Yes, EXACTLY like that. (Ray) Epitome of average. Not very unique...

Value-

$3.25 for a slice, Most of the slices were bigger than the fucking small ass slice I got. Shitty. Not worth a return visit unless I'm at Powell's and have NOTHING else to do. (Ray) The slices were bigger here, for the same price, compared to the last two places. I had a slightly smaller slice, and the girl deducted the price a bit for me, without my asking. I was pleased.

-Beer-

On tap-

I don't recall. I recall a list, which I assumed was on tap, but it could have been both. Pretty decent beer selection. Good domestics like PBR as well as micros and imports. Maybe Frank paid more attention. (Ray) EXTREMELY Fucking CHEAP PBR! I think it was 5.25 or 5.75 for a pitcher? Fuck Great.

Bottled-

See above (Ray) ?

-Atmosphere-

Location-

Fantastic central location in Portland just across the intersection from Powell's on Burnside. Easy to find as it sort of sticks out next to the enormous interactive dick. (Ray) Great location.

Exterior Atmosphere-

Very cool place. Has art all around it, is in a corner triangular shaped building on an intersection that demands it. It's just very unique and very urban. I like it. In fact it is the best thing about the place. (Ray) It's true.. the best thing about the place, besides the cheap PBR.

Interior Atmosphere-

Kinda of hodge podge in a way. Nothing is consistent, just thrown together. Unique and urban for sure. Also the music was too fucking loud, however it was cool. Cool, but DIRTY AS A CRACK WHORE HOOKERS CUNT! (Ray) Music was awful. Extremely awful. Kind of a "punkish" look to everything, including the employees.

Service-

Just kind of there. The girl who served us was pleasant enough. In my personal experience I feel like I should have saved $.25. Though I'm not complaining really. (Ray) Ray's just pissed that I got a discount. Great service.

-Review Notes-

Just an average pizza in a cool location and building. Worth a trip if you're at Powell's, but don't let the uniqueness of the way it looks fool you. The pizza is simply average. Nothing more, nothing less. (Ray) Average to the CORE.

-OVERALL RATING-

5/10. Average (Ray) 5/10